Dating nice men
They may go on to date women their own age, or to move to different places, but we stay friends. And then every so often, their relationships end, and they return to me. When lots of stamina (and blissfully short recovery periods) meets confidence and experience, it’s a terrific combination.Some women tell me they’d feel too insecure about their bodies to sleep with someone young, but when you operate on the criterion I do — that they have to be nice — you meet younger men who appreciate everything about older women.The men who were judged to be the best-looking had higher rates of divorce.Looking to avoid such a fate, Rochkind started dating a woman who isn’t a bikini model, Carly Spindel, in January 2015. The two met after Spindel’s mother, matchmaker Janis Spindel, scouted Rochkind at a gym.Women like my hair stylist and my editor at Fox, or even my own daughter (though at 17, I can’t call her a “woman” just yet), ooze niceness. Being nice just means being nice, the same way you’re nice to your friends or to your co-workers.
“I could have [anyone] I wanted,” says Rochkind, now 40 and an Upper East Sider with a muscular build and a full head of hair.“Nice,” to a man, means being soft, gentle and kind. Ask any guy you know, and he’ll likely give you example after example of women they know who said they wanted a nice guy but in reality wanted a bad boy. Being nice means you think of others before you think about yourself.It means asking your husband how his day was and really listening. That’s because just as most men are attracted to femininity, or softness, most women are attracted to masculinity. (And yes, there’s such thing as being too nice and putting your needs last; but I’m not talking about that.) It means you’re attune to the needs of others and incorporate those needs into the equation. Now for the record, I don’t mean men are looking for a pushover. Being soft, gentle and kind does not mean you have no life or opinions of your own.I believe everyone should be free to design the relationship model that works for them — and for me that’s dating younger men. I respond to maybe one percent of all the approaches I get.
I have one criterion first and foremost: He has to be a nice person.
A guy who is nice will just smile at you as you’re walking home from the subway. Nice Guys seethe when they are rejected, telling you that they deserve things because they’ve always been NICE to you. We have all been around the block enough times to see you bending over backwards to be the kind of person you think a woman wants.